Salsa, seafood, swing dancing and more weekend events

By: - Thursday, Jul 24, 2014 - 2:56pm

2858246828_82ed8338ca_b(Photo credit: istolethetv/Creative Commons)

What did the humidity say to the heat? “It’s not you, it’s me!” (Also works with “What did the DiGiorno say to delivery?” or “What did HBO say to TV?”) Try not to laugh so hard you forget to put on deodorant, because it’s pretty sticky out there and a lot of this weekend’s events are happening outside, and this is America where we possess a relatively low tolerance for other people’s body odor — one of our greatest cultural achievements along with football and jazz music.

* Premiering at the Davis Square Theater and running through August 2, “Creative License: A New Musical” is one of those plays that’s about putting on a play, probably because someone told the playwright to “write what you know” and he was like, OK, I know a lot about plays. It’s described as the “banter-laced, rocking adventure Aaron Sorkin would have written, to the extent his lawyers would allow,” which is either a good thing or bad thing depending on if you’re most recent Sorkin experience was a “Sports Night” re-run (so good) or any episode of “The Newsroom.” 7.24. 7p. $22-30

* I mentioned this last week, but just a reminder that we’re teaming up with RunKeeper to Outrun the Green Line tomorrow. Three RunKeeper employees will race the B Line trolley from Boston College to Blandford Street, and according to Google they’ll need to run about a 6:20-mile pace over the 4.1-mile course to win, depending on how many dumb students and old people take forever to add value to their Charlie Cards along the way. Follow the race on a live YouTube stream, watch the finish at the Blandford Street stop around 11:15, or come get some free pizza at the post-race party7.25. 11a. FREE

* The best thing about salsa? It’s both a dance and a condiment — a delicious condiment. Maybe the best condiment. So good it feels like you’re not even using a condiment. Harvard Square’s Salsa Squared party will feature chips and salsa from Border Cafe, Taco Truck and more, plus a DJ playing infectious Latin beats. A dance instructor will be on hand to teach you the moves and rhythm that grab attention on the dance floor. The right kind of attention, not “that man appears to be having a seizure, should we put a spoon in his mouth?” attention. Seizures aren’t sexy. 7.25. 7p. FREE

* What’s the appeal of bar crawls, exactly? You pay for a ticket to go to a bunch of bars you could’ve gone to for free, only they’re more crowded than usual because of all the other people on the crawl, and you get, like, a T-shirt? No thanks. But the Boston Beer Marathon replaces that T-shirt with a Viking helmet, and challenges you to hit 26 bars in one day (or, for purists, you can make it a true 26.2 by drinking one-fifth of a beer at one last bar). Now when someone asks about your “26.2” bumper sticker, you’ll have a way more impressive story than the people who train for months, get into amazing shape and finish a grueling race while probably not stopping at any bars. 7.26. 11a. $30

* For the unfamiliar, a “magazine” is kind of like an iPad if the screen froze while you were reading an article. Most of them are lame and only serve to distract you while you wait in your dentist’s office, but some are really cool and have fun release parties, like Amadeus, the quarterly arts and culture magazine that will celebrate its second issue Saturday at the Lilypad in Inman Square. They’ll have heaps of magazines and art prints on hand, plus a performance by Tsons of Tsunami. Tsounds pretty tsweet. 7.26. 7p. $5

* Free art alert! Figment, the folks responsible for First Night’s fire and ice exhibitions on the Common, returns to transform the Greenway into a large-scale collaborative artwork featuring free, inclusive, and participatory installations. That’s right: Unlike those snobs at the MFA or ICA, no one’s going to yell at you for touching the art. This year’s projects include a giant xylophone; gnome-themed mini golf; a 3D mural; and a musical, interactive version of the electronic memory game “Simon” that’s titled “Art Garfunkel.” 7.26 and 7.27. 8a. FREE

* “I’m actually on a seafood diet,” you tell your friends at the Boston Seafood Festival. “When I see food, I eat it!” They’ll laugh so hard, providing that they have not seen any sitcoms or comedy films produced in the ‘80s or ‘90s. Whatever, still a better diet than eating paleo: “Hi I’m a dumb caveman who doesn’t know how to make the bread for a woolly mammoth sandwich, hope I don’t starve to death because I just started CrossFit.” This year’s festival celebrates the 100th anniversary of Boston Fish Pier, the country’s oldest working fish pier, that’s right, suck it fish piers in other cities. Check out cooking demonstrations, an oyster-shucking contest, and seafood prepared by some of the city’s best chefs. 7.27. 11a. $10

* Get your Gatsby on at the second annual Roaring Twenties Lawn Party at the Crane Estate mansion on Ipswich’s Castle Hill. Harkening back to the jazz age when the estate was built, its half-mile long landscaped lawn will feature live music from the Baby Soda Jazz Band, swing and charleston dance lessons, lawn games, picnicking, and general frollicking in the sun. Find a green light way off in the distance and pretend it symbolizes the American dream or some shit, I don’t know, I read that book in high school and I was smoking a lot of “jazz cigarettes” back then. 7.27. 3p. $30